Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Draft Lottery 2015

BOSTON, MA -- Hello everyone.  I am writing to you from the Commissioners' Office where I have just completed the 2015 Draft Lottery. 

For the knowledge of our newcomer, and the short term memory enhancement of our cannabis users in the group here is how the lottery works.

  • Playoff teams are slotted according to order of finish by winning percentage.
  • #11 and #12 are slotted as division winners because they earned byes.
  • The non-playoff teams have a chance at the first pick based with higher probability given to the teams with the lowest winning percentage.
  • We pick in ascending order so that there is some suspense to the draft.  
  • There are 21 chances in the lottery, with the lowest winning% getting 1 chance and next lowest getting 2 chances on up.
  • Here are the percentages of winning the #1 pick in this years lottery:
    • One Man Gang - 29%
    • Goin Yard - 24%
    • Fenway Flats - 19%
    • Wild Card - 14%
    • Pilgrims - 10%
    • Yellow Stars - 5%

This year, I have decided to embrace technology with embarrassingly funny results as you will see below.  Since we had 2 false starts with Winter Meetings and it will probably snow on Draft Day this year, I decided to record myself doing the lottery at my desk.  Hilarity ensues.

Video is in three parts for reasons you will see below.  I considered editing the mistakes and splicing together.  I decided to show the raw footage at my own expense so that I would not have to listen to you deadbeats claim it was fixed.  I know that I won't be that lucky. 

So enjoy!...I have a new-found respect for Dawn Hayes.

2015 DRAFT LOTTERY


 

 

 

Monday, February 2, 2015

Hot Stove Heating Up (Updated)

No rehab necessary! 
WAKEFIELD, MA -- The Commssioner is using a snow day to catch up on some weekend activity in advance of the winter meetings next Sunday, February 8th live from Charlie's Man Cave.  Everyone's psyched including Johnny Manziel.

TRADE #1

Yard Receives: ROUSE #2
Gang Receives: SP Jon Lester and ROUSE #8

TRADE #2

Flats Receive: SP Johnny Cueto, 1B Adrian Gonzalez, LEO #11, ERIC #11, LEO #12, TIM #12
DC receives: ERIC #1, ERIC #5, LEWIS #5, LEWIS #7

TRADE #3



Wildcards receives:         CF Joc Pederson, LEO #11, LEO #12
Flats receive:                     2B/CF Mookie Betts, CHARLIE #14, WILL #14
 

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Goin Yard Completes Another Earth Shattering Deal!

NEW HAMPSHIRE -- The league will never be the same, as Goin Yard and the Warriors have completed arguably the biggest trade in the history of fantasy baseball.  Details below.

YARD receives: ROUSE #8
WARRIORS receive: JOEY #9 and LEWIS # 12

Friday, January 16, 2015

Goin' Yard Comes In Like A Wrecking Ball


COWHAMPSHIRE -- Team Titus has announced a slew of trades including acquiring and dealing the once prolific vegetarian Prince Fielder in the same day.  Trades are summarazied below.

TRADE 1
GOIN YARD receives:  1B Prince Fielder and VENO #3
WESTBOROUGH receives: WILL #2

TRADE 2
GOIN YARD receives: 2B Ian Kinsler and SP Jon Lester
DC receives: 1B Prince Fielder

Monday, November 10, 2014

Flats Get Wood

Fenway Flats new ace Alex Wood.
WAKEFIELD, MA -- The Fenway Flats have started their retooling process by dealing three early round picks to Chin Music for fireballing ace Alex Wood and two other throw ins.  Flats gm was quoted as saying, "Alex once struck out 20 in a game and is the next big thing in baseball, oh wait, that's not the same Wood?"

TRADE DETAILS

FLATS RECEIVE: SP Alex Wood, DH Victor Martinez, RF Jorge Soler, GRANT #9, GRANT #10, GRANT #11

CHIN MUSIC RECEIVES: GRANT #1, ERIC #2, and TIM #3

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Corey Dickerson's Falls Into Pilgrims Lap

PLAISTOW, NH --

PILGRIMS RECEIVE: OF Corey Dickerson

CHIN MUSIC RECEIVES: VENO #2 and VENO #5

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Rendon Dealt For Lawn Tractor

Craftman lawn tractor loaded with technology and stuff.
NORFOLK, MA -- For the first time in league history, a player has been dealt for personal property.  However, this isn't the old bucket of balls cliche.  Rendon found himself traded for the Craftsman lawn tractor (pictured).  Rumor is that the tractor is seriously loaded with a whole bunch of technology and stuff.  Full details of the trade below.

CHIN MUSIC RECEIVES:  Aforementioned Craftsman lawn tractor, LEWIS #1, CHARLIE #2, and JOEY #4

SCORGASMS RECEIVE: 2B/3B Anothony Rendon