Uptons On The Move

Seriously, the only reason to trade for an Upton brother is to post pictures of their sister.

QUINCY, MA -- The South Shore Sluggers have made their second "huh?" trade of the offseason.  The only good thing about this one was all the Kate Upton pictures that I flipped through before I selected the gem above.  Trade is as follows:

DC Dynasty receives: RF Jay Bruce and CF/RF Shin-Soo Choo

SS Sluggers  receive:  LF Justin Upton, CF Bossman Junior Upton, and a naughty picture of Kate Upton

The soul of BJ Upton was not included in this trade.

Labatt Owner Buys Metrodome Baggie For $3K

LYNNFIELD, MA -- John Henry has his yacht, the Iroquois, and now Irish Labatt ownership has made a splurge of their own, bringing the Metrodome's old right field wall home after paying $3,025 for pieces of the "Baggie."

A pair of 16-feet-high, 190-feet-long sections of the famed fence sold during an online auction that concluded Monday. One went for $2,025 and the other for $1,000. Together, the items drew 190 bids.

When the Minnesota Twins played at the Metrodome from 1982-2009, left-handed hitters took aim at the dark blue wall that stood only 327 feet from home plate. To make up for the short distance, the fence was extended for a total height of 23 feet. When balls bounced off the wall, it rippled like a garbage bag, spawning the nickname.

Several stadium features are being auctioned off, with demolition looming next year. 

Labatt ownership was quoted as saying, "It belongs in a museum!"  There have been rumors swirling for months that Mr. Geary, a well known dome enthusiast was beginning to buy pieces of retired domes in order to construct one giant "super" dome (not to be confused with "The Superdome").  Geary has purhased the seats from Kingdome and the roof of Montreal's Olympic Stadium.  He was quoted as saying, "with The Baggie from one of baseball's finest domes ever, I am now one piece away from completing my dream".  Rumor has it Geary has been squirrelling away a sizeable sum of cash in anticipation of a heavy bidding war on the catwalks of the "Trop Dome" when it eventually closes in the near future.

First Trade Of Offseason

Sluggers receive: Mauer and Choo

Warriors receive: Verlander and Kemp

Thunderlips Taps Out!

Thunderlips says 'No Mas!'

Gilbert, AZ-- Director of Custodial Services and Head Groundkeeper, "Celery Stalks" McGrane has announced that the Thunderlips franchise has been KO'ed by crippling dept and a dwindling fan base.  Lead Popcorn Popper LaGreca also commented that ownership hoped fans would continue to come out to the ballpark after the team burst onto the scene in 2005.  As an expansion team, Thunderlips saw instant success making it to the Championship game in their inaugural season.  Tlips would get destroyed (12-1) by the Royal Rooters "Randy Winn and a Prayer Team", but four years later defeated the New Milford Warriors (8-4) for their first and only championship.  McGrane commented, "these moronic fans don't know good fantasy baseball when they see it.  They all want to root for Al Pujols, but what the hell has he won?  Nothing that's what!  Idiots can't appreciate a good small market 'David Beats Goliath Story'.  You can't make this stuff up!"  The Thunderlips franchise closes shop with 1 Championship (2008), 3 trips to the finals, 1 division title, and 5 playoff berths.  LaGreca and McGrane will stay on as draft consultants and will be offering free draft advice and commentary to anyone who is willing to listen on Draft Day. 

Metalheads Continue Reign of Tyranny!

By some miracle, The Metalheads not only qualified for the playoffs, but also advanced to the Championships and eked out their third consecutive victory.  All hail Joey, our personal lord and savior.

Final: Metalheads 7, Fenway Flats 6