Winter Meetings

NEW HAMPSHIRE -- The 2013 winter meetings took place this Saturday at the new North East Headquarters of Scorgasm Industries.  In all five teams were in attendance including DC Dynasty ownership joining via Skype from his bathtub.  Thank you to Charlie for hosting.  The 8th annual draft lottery highlighted the festivities and the curse of the 12 seed continued.  This time someone other than the Yellow Stars got screwed.  

Also discussed were candidates for new ownership, a few minor rules tweaks, such as adding an N/A spot and removing the final week of the season so that the playoffs end prior to the final week of the MLB season.  There was some ground work laid for a trade or two, including plenty of keeper starting pitchers being made available by the Fenway Flats and the Metalheads.

The 2014 Draft Order is as follows:

1. team formerly known as Thunderlips
2. DC Dynasty
3. Yellow Stars
4. Multiple Scorgasms
5. Chin Music
6. Boston Pilgrims
7. team formerly known as Irish Labatt
8. Metalheads
9. SS Sluggers
10. Barnstormers
11. Melrose Warriors
12. Fenway Flats

  

We Miss Yu TLips

http://triblive.com/mobile/5194774-96/ellis-pirates-dock

Uptons On The Move

Seriously, the only reason to trade for an Upton brother is to post pictures of their sister.

QUINCY, MA -- The South Shore Sluggers have made their second "huh?" trade of the offseason.  The only good thing about this one was all the Kate Upton pictures that I flipped through before I selected the gem above.  Trade is as follows:

DC Dynasty receives: RF Jay Bruce and CF/RF Shin-Soo Choo

SS Sluggers  receive:  LF Justin Upton, CF Bossman Junior Upton, and a naughty picture of Kate Upton

The soul of BJ Upton was not included in this trade.

Labatt Owner Buys Metrodome Baggie For $3K

LYNNFIELD, MA -- John Henry has his yacht, the Iroquois, and now Irish Labatt ownership has made a splurge of their own, bringing the Metrodome's old right field wall home after paying $3,025 for pieces of the "Baggie."

A pair of 16-feet-high, 190-feet-long sections of the famed fence sold during an online auction that concluded Monday. One went for $2,025 and the other for $1,000. Together, the items drew 190 bids.

When the Minnesota Twins played at the Metrodome from 1982-2009, left-handed hitters took aim at the dark blue wall that stood only 327 feet from home plate. To make up for the short distance, the fence was extended for a total height of 23 feet. When balls bounced off the wall, it rippled like a garbage bag, spawning the nickname.

Several stadium features are being auctioned off, with demolition looming next year. 

Labatt ownership was quoted as saying, "It belongs in a museum!"  There have been rumors swirling for months that Mr. Geary, a well known dome enthusiast was beginning to buy pieces of retired domes in order to construct one giant "super" dome (not to be confused with "The Superdome").  Geary has purhased the seats from Kingdome and the roof of Montreal's Olympic Stadium.  He was quoted as saying, "with The Baggie from one of baseball's finest domes ever, I am now one piece away from completing my dream".  Rumor has it Geary has been squirrelling away a sizeable sum of cash in anticipation of a heavy bidding war on the catwalks of the "Trop Dome" when it eventually closes in the near future.

First Trade Of Offseason

Sluggers receive: Mauer and Choo

Warriors receive: Verlander and Kemp

Thunderlips Taps Out!

Thunderlips says 'No Mas!'

Gilbert, AZ-- Director of Custodial Services and Head Groundkeeper, "Celery Stalks" McGrane has announced that the Thunderlips franchise has been KO'ed by crippling dept and a dwindling fan base.  Lead Popcorn Popper LaGreca also commented that ownership hoped fans would continue to come out to the ballpark after the team burst onto the scene in 2005.  As an expansion team, Thunderlips saw instant success making it to the Championship game in their inaugural season.  Tlips would get destroyed (12-1) by the Royal Rooters "Randy Winn and a Prayer Team", but four years later defeated the New Milford Warriors (8-4) for their first and only championship.  McGrane commented, "these moronic fans don't know good fantasy baseball when they see it.  They all want to root for Al Pujols, but what the hell has he won?  Nothing that's what!  Idiots can't appreciate a good small market 'David Beats Goliath Story'.  You can't make this stuff up!"  The Thunderlips franchise closes shop with 1 Championship (2008), 3 trips to the finals, 1 division title, and 5 playoff berths.  LaGreca and McGrane will stay on as draft consultants and will be offering free draft advice and commentary to anyone who is willing to listen on Draft Day. 

Metalheads Continue Reign of Tyranny!

By some miracle, The Metalheads not only qualified for the playoffs, but also advanced to the Championships and eked out their third consecutive victory.  All hail Joey, our personal lord and savior.

Final: Metalheads 7, Fenway Flats 6

Keeper Deadline

League mascot "The Hulkster" is listening for the final bell to toll on the keeper deadline.

EVERYWHERE, USA -- Keeper deadline rapidly approaches (11:59 PM EDT this evening).  I will update on trades as they come in today.  Here are the latest:

TRADE #1
SS RECEIVES:    1B Eric Hosmer, LISI #9, LEO #9
MW RECEIVES:  3B Mike Moutakas, TOM #8, VENO #9

TRADE #2
DC RECEIVES:    2B Ian Kinsler, LISI #5
FF RECEIVES:    SP Yu Darvish, VENO #7

TRADE #3
YS RECEIVES:    SP Jered Weaver
FF RECEIVES:    TOM #3

TRADE #4
CM RECEIVES:    TIM #2
FF RECEIVES:    1B/LF/RF Allen Craig, CHARLIE #7

TRADE #5

IL RECEIVES:    TIM #7, TIM #10

FF RECEIVES:    TOM#6, TOM #15

Jay The Bruce On The Move

BRIGHTON, MA -- Fenway Flats have dealt Jay Bruce and picks for Ed Encarnacion and picks.

DEAL:

FF RECEIVES:   1B Edwin Encarnacion, LISI #5, JOEY #6, LEO #10
SS RECEIVES:    RF Jay Bruce, JOEY #8, TIM #8, TIM #9

Labatt and Chin Music Keep It Within Division

Wieters gets no love from fellow cat lover Chin Music.

LYNNFIELD, MA -- Irish Labatt has acquired a collection of players in exchange for picks.  Chin Music appears to have decided to deal away every player on its roster and so far there are plenty of takers.  Other deals continue to be discussed.  The most recent confirmations are listed below.

TRADE #1

IL RECEIVES:      C Matt Wieters, 3B Aramis Ramirez, CHARLIE #2

CM RECEIVES:    VENO #2, LISI #11

TRADE #2

BP RECEIVES:  ERIC #10, ERIC #12

DC RECEIVES:  STARS #13, ERIC #13, VENO#13, LISI #14

Block Buster Trade Announced As Deadline Approaches

Rihanna not included in the Kemp blockbuster over the weekend.

NORFOLK, MA -- Chin Music and DC Dynasty have announced a blockbuster trade involving keepers as well as some draft picks.  Details are below, plus another trade over the weekend that I didn't get a chance to announce.  With keeper deadline now five days away, rumors are swirling about other potential deals.

TRADE #1
DC RECEIVES:    RF Justin Upton, SP Clayton Kershaw, ERIC #6
CM RECEIVES:   CF Matt Kemp, SP Cole Hamels, ERIC #11

TRADE #2

DC RECEIVES:    TOM #5

SS RECEIVES:     UT Ben Zobrist, JOEY #6

Ellsbury Dealt

Ellsbury bringing his talents to the Barnstormers

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The Barnstormers have acquired oft-injured CF Jacoby Ellsbury from the Irish Labatt in exchange for slightly less oft-injured LF Matt Holliday.

Pilgrims Love Dickey

RA on the receiving end of Pilgrims' love.

QUINCY, MA -- The latest evidence yet that the SS Sluggers need to invest heavily in Ritalin.  The team has completed another trade, this time with the Pilgrims and has managed to play a complete game of Tetris with his roster this winter.  Details as usual are below.

SS RECEIVES:  1B Edwin Encarnacion, CF Curtis Granderson, VENO #9 and LEO #10

BP RECEIVES:  1B Mark Teixeira, SP RA Dickey, ERIC #3 and TIM #3


In other news...

Pick swap between Yellow Stars and DC Dynasty merits barely a yawn...

DC RECEIVES:   CHARLIE #5 and VENO #7

YS RECEIVES:   ERIC #4

 UPDATE: Another pick swap.

IL RECEIVES:       LISI #11, LISI #12, LISI #13

MW RECEIVES:   TOM #9

 UPDATE (2/27/13): Another pick swap.

BP RECEIVES:      VENO #5, LISI #8

MW RECEIVES:   STARS #4
 

Labatt and Sluggers Blockbuster

Josh Hamilton taking his addictions to South Shore

LYNNFIELD, MA -- Irish Labatt and South Shore Sluggers ownership have agreed on arguably the biggest trade of the offseason.  The deal in question includes six players changing hands, including the reigning NL Cy Young Award winner, as well as 4 draft picks, including a first rounder.  Details are listed below:

IL RECEIVES:   1B/RF Adrian Gonzalez, C/1B Victor Martinez, CF Adam Jones, LEWIS #1, VENO #2
SS RECEIVES:   OF Josh Hamilton, SP RA Dickey, 1B Mark Teixeira, TOM #5 and TOM #8

Barnstormers Add Another Risky Elbow

CHCAGO, IL -- Team Multi-Scorgasms have traded SP Adam Wainwright to the Barnstormers for draft picks.  Details below.

MS RECEIVE:   SP Chris Sale and LEWIS #4

BS RECEIVE:   SP Adam Wainwright

Chin Music Deals King Felix!

King Felix will take is talents and his Range Rover to Philly for 2013

NORFOLK, MA -- The ownership of Chin Music staved off cabin fever during the biggest blizzard in the history of the world and made an epic trade.  The 2nd longest tenured player (kept for 4 straight seasons by the Music) in the league has been moved to the Barnstormers in exchange for a package of players.  The new look Music are going to be unrecognizable to their fan base when they take the field next season.

BARNSTORMERS RECEIVE:       SP Felix Hernandez, RP Craig Kimbrel, GRANT #8
CHIN MUSIC RECEIVE:               SP David Price and 3B Ryan Zimmerman

Cousin Love

CHICAGO, IL--

Cousins have come together and consummated a deal.  The family affair is as follows.

SCORGASMS RECEIVE:  SP Matt Moore, GRANT #12, STARS #12
CHIN MUSIC RECEIVE: CHARLIE #2, CHARLIE #7

Metalheads Announce 2nd Of Two Deals

Greinke stressing out about the flight to DC.

ALEXANDRIA, VA--

The Metalheads have acquired Zack Greinke giving up a plethora of picks acquired in an earlier deal with DC Dynasty.  The deal is as follows.  Metal ownership immediately pronounced himself the winner of BOTH of these trades.
 
CHIN MUSIC RECEIVES: Charlie 3, Eric 6 and Joey 9
METALHEADS RECEIVES: SP Zack Greinke with Grant 15 and Grant 16

Metalheads Overhaul Team With Two Trades

Joey Bats will be hitting dongs in DC.

ALEXANDRIA, VA -- Owners of DC Dynasty and Metalheads have come to an agreement on a 3-player trade.  Details are as follows.

DC gets: Bautista and Hamels with Grant's 15 and 16.

Metal Heads get: Heyward with Eric 1, Charlie 3, Charlie 4, Eric 5, Eric 6, Eric 7, Joey 7 and Veno 10