Brighton, MA –
“I never throw a player to the wolves until I am certain that he is one of the wolves.”
-Coach Bill Parcells
The commissioner’s office is pleased to announce the sale of the Royal Rooters franchise to Mike Lewis for the fee of 2 hockey pucks and a case of Budweiser. Mr. Lewis has been preparing for this opportunity his entire life and is poised to take the bull by the horns and bring pride back to the once mighty Rooters franchise.
The new team name has yet to be determined, but ownership is ready to make its mark on the league immediately. Lewis has been added to the league contact list. Please join me in welcoming him to our little Cuckoo's Nest.
Some fun facts about Mike Lewis:
- He is a childhood friend of Grant Casassa, Owner of Chin Music
- He is founder and CEO of City Sports.
- He is the best-selling author of Moneyball: The Art of Winning An Unfair Game.
- Lewis is a connoisseur of Smooth Jazz and considers Heavy Metal to be entirely too barbaric.
- On the ice, he has never been scored upon by either Casassa brother, a shutout streak spanning 256 minutes.
- In addition to fathering his own child, he has lended his prolific services to both Shawn Kemp and Antonio Cromartie.
- Lewis hand-picked Brad Pitt to star in the film version of Moneyball and resembles Brad Pitt more than Pitt himself.
- In his younger days, Lewis served as a scout for the Cleveland Indians and was instrumental in convincing the Tribe to trade up in the draft in order to select Sizemore.
- He is a card carrying member of both "Sal's Pals" and "Grady's Ladies."
